2005-09-29
Click Click Click
Wow. Now that someone I know is reading this, I should make an attempt to be vaguely intelligible.
Should.
Although I think now it’ll be harder to be intelligible. Here’s a secret, blog-world: I act stupid in real life. I don’t do it on purpose. I think it’s because I’m not *half* as intelligent as I sometimes think I am, or want to be. So I speak or squeak, rather, .. piffle. I’d rather have someone think I was over-confident, full of myself and completely random than the boring (now chubby) girl with nothing of interest to say.
Tonight I have to start/finish a 25 source bibliography, do Japanese homework, and start paking. My throat is sore. I’m tired of all this. I want to hide under a box until I am moved, midterms are done and this is all over. We shouldn’t wish away our life but I haven’t been able to sleep in past seven for…weeks. Since I’ve been here. I think I over commit myself. But it’s also what’s keeping me going. It’s not the purpose of school, it’s the desire to do well, it’s not the point of helping, it’s the something to do and a reason to be loved.
I know there is a greater, grander reason beyond all this, but at times it escapes me. I’m glad God knows what we are doing, because I really feel I don’t.
I’m knitting again. I just feel I need my hands to be moving. If I can get decent, I may make a red scarf for me, and maybe christmas presents. But it's not the point. Something needs to move. Click, click, click and I’m sane again. I have to stop hiding.
suzza at 9:36 p.m.