2005-10-14
It's a morals thing
I’m beginning to strongly dislike this layout. It was good for the summer and now it just does not fit. Story of my life, mm? I just don’t know when I’ll time to reformat it.
I still don’t have a workable schedule. It feels like I never get to sleep enough, pray enough, study enough, play enough…
I just finished an essay- a BAD essay, mind you – that I’ve been working on for the last couple hours of my existence. I started it at nine pm last night. Six hours of sleep is normally feasible, but I’m so tired in the first place. My energy plummets when I don’t eat right; and I know that I would have time to shop well, cook well, exercise and study and be social and have fun if I could plan it out. But I don’t, so I end up eating things that are fast and easy and stressing and procrastinating.
I have so much to do this weekend that if feels wrong to take the evening off but I’ve made a commitment.
And I’m doing a good thing. For me. I am. I just wish it wasn’t so exhausting. My bones hurt, my head hurts, my heart hurts and I don’t like being angry all the time. But on the other hand, I don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong, and someone needs to stand up for me – if I’m not good enough for someone it’s their fault, not mine. I’m tired of trying to please people. I will change my actions, but I will not change myself.
Poor readers. I’ve stopped making sense.
suzza at 9:15 a.m.