2005-11-10
panicpanicpanic.
So, after several days of zombie-like existance, I got into an emergency appointment, and now I take my meds at night.
Simple, right?
Right.
Except now I'm a zombie in the morning and I make it through maybe five hours of my day without having either a major manic episode, a major crying fit, or being majorly - and uncharacteristically- paranoid. I want to go home. And that's not like me either. I have exactly a week to learn half a semester's worth of japanese and come up with two 2500 word research papers and handle this crazy drug things.
I am so close to quitting school, at least this semester, and running home.
bwak bwak bwak.
Yeah, I'm a chicken.
But I'm gonna wait until monday to decide anything big, at least that way I can talk to someone I KNOW - the person I "see" has been gone for the week. That I've been freaking out.
But if it makes anyone feel better, for the first time in my life, I'm anticipating the holidays and thinking about cookies and snow and going home and being hugged.
I know it won't happen, but it is what I want, so deeply and strongly and truley. And that's kind of nice, even if I can identify that it's a lie.
suzza at 12:04 p.m.