2006-01-06
The seed of hope...
.... is a weed.
It certainly is december again.
I spent the day amid Shakespear and Milton trying to figure out exactly what I will do for my last two exams. It wouldn't be too bad if I'd had more than one.
I want Christmas, badly. I want it so I can dump this bucket of hope out the window; I know I'm going to be disapointed with how my holiday goes, I just wish the letdown would come sooner, rather than later. I don't have expectations about my family or my town or even seeing my friends. I'm not thinking about what I'm going to do. I'll meet for coffee with a few people, surley, those cursory yearly chirstmas visits that will grow fewer and fewer, but.. what will I dofor two weeks?
I wish I had enough faith to know that going for walks and studying and sleeping and then getting up and showering in the always-dirty bathroom was enough.
That to know that I am coming back was enough.
And honestly, quite honestly, I just don't think about it.
suzza at 9:15 p.m.