2005-12-23
Paranoid Forgiveness
I keep meaning to write something here but everything I could put down seems so maudlin.
I hate this layout. I'm considering leaving all and going to Eblogger or livejournal or something like that. Maybe three people on my friends list still update. The solution, you say, is to find new friends. Well, I say, I'm too exhausted to do much more than click banners!
I've been home for over a week, and so far, I've not yet read a whole book. I've checked my email fifty plus times, spent almost 100 dollars on who knows-what (hair products and magazines, food, candy.., went out for coffee thrice, and spent countless hours wandering in the rain.
It's the lonliest feeling in the world to not be able to leave your house without seeing someone you recognize, yet be not have a solitary soul to confide in.
Therefore, I decided to drown my feelings in a blur of cinema smutt: I rented "Gone with the Wind", "Casablanca", "The Life of Brian", "The Island", "40 Year Old Virgin","Mansfield Park" and "Amelie". At least, now, there will be a reason for the narration in my head to be Brittish, besides my greedy consumption of a battered copy of "The Hours" I borrowed off of a literary friend.
I've also watched "The Royal Tennenbaums" twice. That is my favourite movie, and I am glad it passed the test of time. I loved it in grade nine, and I was afraid it would slide into the "sad weird movies" category. I like the plot construction. I like the colours. I like the gritty constructs. I like the idea that even after years of failure and comprimise, something beautiful can grow out of paranoid forgivness.
suzza at 10:03 p.m.