2005-12-30
HighSchool's Last Weary Legs
Things are winding down here. Almost time to leave.
It seems hard to imagine that in three days I'll be out of this world for another six months. For about 11 months of the year, I ignore it. I'm not me. I get to be someone else. How long does one have to play a part before one assumes a role permanently?
And I'm going HOME. I know that. But there is this tissue-paper transparent shadow of a life I COULD have had, a life I COULD be living -- friends and hang-outs and classes and employment. I know I'm where God wants me to be but you can't help but wonder, and mourn, a little, to.
I couldn't live here. It's too expensive by myself and home would not be worth it. But...
Sigh.
I had a really lovley day. A long hike around hayward lake with one of my closest "home" friends and her little sister (who is like a sister to me), and then I went to see Harry Potter and had appys with my other remaining close friend. I ran into someone that I had been hoping to connect with from highschool for ages. The list of above people is not long nor is it extensive, so I concluded that I was meant to have a nice evening at Boston Pizza.
I'm excited. I'm making some changes next semester. I'll tell you about them later, it's late, I need to get to bed pretty soon, I've been up forever... but.. I miss what COULD be. And that's my problem. If anything in this life holds me back, that is what will be it.
The shadow of what could have been. That's the drawback of being a story-teller and an adventure seeker. You allways know that there is more than one thing around the corner, but because life is short, and we are so unfaillingly human, we get to experience but one chapter per day.
suzza at 12:07 a.m.